Avitable » Tact is for pussies

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Since I was busy yesterday solving the country's problem of ingrained racism, I neglected several birthdays, so a drawing was in order.

Belated happy birthday wishes to Sybil, BlondeBlogger, and Grant! You're all really fucking old!

posted by Avitable Friday, May 16, 2008 @ 12:00 am comments (28)
filed under My Art tagged avitable, birthday, blonde blogger, drawing, grant, my art, sybil law

Like this post? Try this one: Happy birthday!

"Adam, you wouldn't seriously want a black guy to be our President, would you?"

That's an actual quote from one of my uncles a few weeks ago. The thing is, I didn't grow up in an explicitly racist household. My parents had an interracial couple as some of their best friends, and my mother worked quite closely with plenty of black employees, both at her level and below her on the chain of command. But there was an undercurrent of prejudice that was constant and unwavering.

I never heard the word "nigger" from my parents. I was, however, told to be careful when driving in bad neighborhoods because "they" like to drive into you in a beat-up car and then sue the insurance company. "They" was never explained, but merely understood.

My first girlfriend, Vickie, had olive skin that I thought was gorgeous. Over at my friend Randy's house, showing her picture to his grandfather proudly, I was mortified when he and his son started mocking me for dating a "sand nigger". I didn't even know what that was, but I knew it wasn't something nice.

As a teen, I spent my summers and vacations working for a business owned by family members other than my parents. It was there that I heard "nigger" bandied about regularly, even from relatives who worked closely with many black friends. "You can't trust them." "You have to watch them like a hawk or they'll rip you off." "They're lazy and will do the work half-assed if you're not careful." I was taught these "lessons", along with phrases like "nigger-rig" and "nigger rich".

Yet, with all of this subtle and overt prejudice affecting my perspective, education, and growth, I still managed to be objective and come to my own conclusions. I'll never forget Nicole, with her great smile and gorgeous chocolate skin, holding hands as we walked down the beach that summer. And Angela, with that beautiful curly hair and intoxicating laugh. And friends who were African and Indian and Asian and Filipino and black and Jewish and Hispanic and the only thing that mattered to me was whether or not we got along.

I'm not writing this post to pat myself on the back - yay me for not being racist! No, my goal is to give a bit of hope. My parents' generation grew up with the civil rights movement. They had to change their perspective on race and prejudice during their formative years. I can't blame them for being affected by their environment and upbringing just as I was affected. However, I, and my generation, and the generation after mine, and even the one before mine, grew up with an integrated society. And maybe, just maybe, it's possible for us to become increasingly color-blind, even if raised in a color-aware environment.

If Obama gets this nomination, and I'm sure that he will, I hope that there are enough of us out there - generations of young adults who grew up in an integrated society and know that racism doesn't even make sense. I hope that we are legion enough to make a difference in November. To show my uncle and those like him that yes, we seriously want a black guy to be our President, because we want a "smart" guy to be our President, and it doesn't actually matter if he's black, white, yellow, brown, or not even a guy at all.

posted by Avitable Thursday, May 15, 2008 @ 12:00 am comments (117)
filed under Serious stuff tagged avitable, democrat, nigger, obama, political, prejudice, racism, serious

Like this post? Try this one: Accents

My revisions of Family Circus comics were popular a few weeks ago, so I thought I'd try again, this time with that old harridan, that busybody, that nosy bitch that everyone hates, Mary Worth!

It's just a thumbnail because the full image wouldn't necessarily fit in the confines of my site, so do with the clicky and look at the poppy. (No, not The Poppy).

On another note, thank you to everyone who went over to Gina's and commented on my guest post on Monday. Apparently, she moderates comments and has captchas, so many people's comments were hiding until she approved them. I was unaware of this, since my comment and Britt's both appeared and may have acted resentful and/or whiny. This was not the case - I was merely ACTING! GENIUS! THANK YOU!

posted by Avitable Wednesday, May 14, 2008 @ 12:00 am comments (42)
filed under General tagged avitable, comic strips, comics, family circus, mary worth

Like this post? Try this one: Well, shoot

First, let me say that I was really surprised that yesterday, nobody made it over the blog where I guest posted to leave a comment. I was trying to show some support to Gina and maybe get her a few new readers, but I guess nobody wanted to fucking bother.

Second, let's talk about Halloween! It's a scant six months away, and time to start planning the huge mondo spectacular ginormous huge phallotastic AVITABLE HALLOWEEN PARTY 2008!

If you weren't reading me or didn't attend last year, here is what you missed:

http://www.avitable.com/2007/10/31/karaoke/
http://www.avitable.com/2007/10/29/halloween-2007-recap-part-1/
http://www.avitable.com/2007/10/30/halloween-2007-recap-part-2/

This year, because I know some of you will be attending and traveling from out of state, I wanted to give you all the juicy details well in advance.

Halloween is a Friday this year, but I don't like to have parties on Friday nights since it's hard for people from out of town to get here on time if they want to work a full week. So the Avitable Halloween Party is Saturday, November 1st, from 8PM until the zombie cows come home and eat your brains.

Mark it on your calendars, tell your bosses, plan your trips - do whatever you need to do to make sure you don't miss out on the largest party of the year. And all bloggers are invited! Well, except Dooce.

Any questions or suggestions about the party? Let me know in the comments.

posted by Avitable Tuesday, May 13, 2008 @ 12:00 am comments (70)
filed under Partay tagged avitable, halloween, party

Like this post? Try this one: Important question

I'm guest posting today. Over here. Come visit and leave her a comment!

posted by Avitable Monday, May 12, 2008 @ 12:00 am comments (0)
filed under Bloggers tagged avitable, gina banina, guest post, seeginablog

Like this post? Try this one: I have a dream

After a hiatus last week, we're back, and the questions are as tough as ever!

You can find last week's answers, scores and contest winner in an extended entry, but now it's time for today's Lazy Sunday contest! This week's prize is a six-pack of Avitable condoms and a "Viva El Avitable" T-shirt in whatever style, color, and size you want!

Everyone has a chance at winning, so don't be shy! The questions may be hard, but everyone who's between the ages of 16 and 80 should be able to get at least one correct - I promise.

The rules:

It's very simple. Every answer contains a reference to a movie, a television show, or a song. Just guess as many as you can - some will be laughably easy and some will be very difficult. Every correct answer is like a raffle ticket - you get one chance to win per correct answer. If you get 1 right, your name goes in the proverbial hat. If you get 10 right, your name goes in ten times. Et cetera. You're on the honor system - try not to Google or look at other people's answers!

The contest ends Tuesday at midnight EST. I'll give the correct answers and the winner on the following Sunday.

Ready? Here we go!

1. Do you know anyone in prison at the present moment?
Yeah, an accountant. Don't reckon he'll be in for long, though.

2. When is the last time you ate peanut butter and jelly?
I don't remember, but last night I had a chef salad with the oil and the vinegar on the side and apple pie heated with ice cream on the side but only if it's strawberry and if not then whipped cream but only if it's not out of a can.

3. Do you have a desk in your room?
No, there's no room, what with the fireman's pole to get from my bedroom to the kitchen.

4. Have you ever gotten naked at a party?
I don't think so. I did have to sing "These Eyes" to a bunch of cokeheads once, though.

5. What are you listening to right at this second?
"Johnny B. Goode". It's an oldie where I come from.

6. Are you named after one of your parents or grandparents?
No, we're both named Johnson. No relation.

7. Do you throw up gang signs?
Only ones that fuck up the scenery.

8. Who slept with you last night?
I slept with my friend's mom to get back at him for sleeping with mine.

9. Have you ever been to a farm?
Only the one where that pig was walking around and talking like a person. Pretty ominous.

10. Who is the most spoiled person you know?
My friend has people who wash his penis for him.

11. Would you ever work for the border patrol?
Only if I could keep pesky Americans like Rudy out.

12. Was one of your family members ever abusive?
My dad was, until my meat delivery boyfriend and I killed the bastard.

13. Have you ever had a eating disorder?
Is swelling up and turning blue a disorder?

14. Do you have a bicycle?
I did, but I got knocked the fuck out and someone stole it.

15. Do you think your childhood dreams came true?
Well, there was that one childhood dream of writing and directing a summer camp musical about Thanksgiving.

And here are the answers and winners from last week's contest :
Read more...

posted by Avitable Sunday, May 11, 2008 @ 12:00 am comments (35)
filed under Memes and more tagged avitable, contest, fun, lazy blogging, meme, memes, movie quotes, movies, myspace, prizes, surveys

Like this post? Try this one: Lazy Sunday XXXIX

posted by Avitable Saturday, May 10, 2008 @ 12:00 am comments (29)
filed under Vlog tagged answers, avitable, quiz, vlog, youtube

Like this post? Try this one: Pinching off a vlog

Why, yes. John Mayer's pretty funny!

posted by Avitable Friday, May 9, 2008 @ 12:00 am comments (31)
filed under Vlog tagged avitable, comedy, funny or die, humor, john mayer, kristen bell, video, vlog

Like this post? Try this one: Pinching off a vlog

Stole this idea from the lovely and amazing Hilly:

How well do you know Avitable? Here's a quiz just for you, to see if you're just a minor Avitafan, a hardcore Avitageek, or Britt. And as an incentive, the person who guesses the most correct answers will win a 6-pack of Avitable condoms!

It's time to test your Avitaknowledge . . .

1. I don't drink alcohol because:
A. I never drank alcohol and don't like the taste
B. I actually do drink, but only when alone
C. I used to drink and didn't like losing control
D. I'm allergic to alcohol

2. Which of the following does NOT skeeve me out:
A. Food with bones
B. Food you eat with your hands
C. Spiders
D. Shrimp

3. I don't do this activity in real life as much as you would expect:
A. Swear
B. Strip down naked
C. Masturbate
D. Eat cheeseburgers

4. I'm pretty hard on people I don't know, but I'll take it easy on this specific type of person:
A. Funny people with New York accents
B. Strippers
C. Older people who smell like cookies
D. Cute, young, petite girls

5. I'm the most sensitive about which of my defects:
A. My weight
B. My hair loss
C. My control freak personality
D. My hanging testicles

6. I go swimming . . .
A. Naked
B. In my underwear because I don't own a bathing suit
C. It depends on who's here
D. Are you kidding? I catch fire in the sun. I never swim.

7. How many times have I been arrested?
A. Once
B. Never
C. Four times
D. Twice, but one was when I was a minor

8. Who has made me cry as an adult?
A. My father
B. Amy
C. My mother
D. Avril Lavigne

9. I like animals better than people.
A. True
B. False

10. I have some big, deep, dark secret that I will never blog about.
A. True
B. False

A few totally not-at-all related side points: (not related in anyway to Kapgar's TUAs)

First, today is the 23rd birthday of the brilliant and wonderful Crystal! She's recently shut down her blog, and I don't know if she wants me to link to her new one, so take a minute and leave her a birthday wish in the comments. EDIT: Apparently, it's actually tomorrow, the 9th, but I got my days screwed up! Oh well, wish her a Happy Birthday anyway!

Secondly, if you want to make sure that you get to enjoy an Avitable condom even if you can't win one, here is a picture suitable for your desktop wallpaper! Just click the small thumbnail, and then right-click on the resulting picture and "Set as desktop wallpaper".